


Thorn in my heart

by Tayani



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akechi Goro's Mother Lives, Akira is oblivious AF, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Monthly updates, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22348858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tayani/pseuds/Tayani
Summary: Akira Kurusu and Goro Akechi lived a wall away from one another their whole lives - the best of friends, inseparable.Now, with Goro's estranged father starting to take a suspicious amount of interest in his son's life and with Akira apparently finally finding a girlfriend, things are changing fast - and not in the best of directions.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 27
Kudos: 142





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am very torn on how to tag this thing.

“Akechi-senpai! I… the truth is… I really like you!”

The girl was small and unremarkable, as far as physical appearance went. Goro noted – with minimal interest – that her looks seemed to match her personality. She tried hard to battle the natural  _ dullness  _ exuding from her with making herself look as cute as possible – if strawberry-shaped pins in her hair and way too many accessories for a high school student were anything to go by.

She was not  _ cute  _ in his eyes, though. Goro remembered her, now that he started to think about it. She was one of the girls he sometimes noticed on the corridors, yapping at each other, exchanging vile rumours and giggling happily from the lies they spread. He  _ hated _ gossips.

“I have no feelings for you,” he said, with cold disinterest. The girl’s eyes widened, mouth falling open and gasping for air. She looked like a fish out of water. Goro continued.

“Frankly, you are being a bother. If that is all, I would like to return to my lunch break now,” he said, turned and left, allowing a little smirk to appear on his lips.

Ha. Served her right.

Goro sighed, making his way down the crowded corridor. Lunch break always meant crowds, and he hated being pulled out of his classroom by girls wanting to confess to him. It happened to him more often than to any other boy in his class, which earned him quite a few enemies there. Not that Goro personally cared. He hardly cared what  _ anyone  _ thought of him, really.

It has been like this ever since elementary school. Girls seemed to gravitate towards his looks and the calm, quiet exterior, and then ran away crying when he honestly stated his disinterest or downright dislike of them. It was their own fault, really, Goro thought, pushing his way through the corridor. Nobody said he was some perfect little boy, pretty both inside and out. He was perfectly pleasant to the teachers and had exceptionally high scores in both academics and sports, that was true. He didn’t go out of his way to be mean to classmates, and he never bullied anyone. But past that, if it didn’t suit him, Goro Akechi didn’t bother being particularly nice.

With some exceptions, of course. There were always exceptions.

As he entered the classroom, one of these rare cases looked up at him. Goro felt himself smile, his expression softening as he sat down on his best friend’s desk and snatched an apple from his lunchbox. He bit into it, chuckling quietly when Akira looked up with annoyance.

Akira Kurusu, with his messy black hair, glasses and lanky figure, sometimes seemed the direct opposite of Goro. And yet, the two of them have been nigh inseparable ever since they were born. With their mothers being close friends and them living just a thin wall away from one another all their lives, the two boys grew up together, landing in the same school and class almost every year right up until now, just as they started their second year of high school. They became fast friends quickly, and remained so throughout their lives; two sides of the same coin, always looking out for one another.

“…you look smug.” Akira frowned up at him, and Goro grinned down, swallowing a bite of his apple.

“And if I do? Does it suit me?”

“You’ve made another girl cry, didn’t you?”

“So? She deserved it. She was one of the gossips. I don’t make people cry unless they earned it, Akira.”

Akira frowned up at him again, and all of a sudden, Goro felt a little bit less happy with himself about how he treated the girl.  _ Damn Akira and his conscience _ , he managed to think, before sighing as he resigned himself to listening to the usual scolding.

“Stop doing that! They’re already brave for coming up to confess to you, the one thing you can do is make sure they don’t get too hurt over…”

“You’re only saying all that because you liked her!” Goro scoffed in an accusatory tone, and Akira had the decency to look sheepish before continuing to talk.

“…not  _ just  _ because of it…”

“I don’t see what the problem is. I was just honest with her. If she ended up crying, that’s not…”

“Being honest is one thing. You’re just an ass,” Akira scoffed, and Goro pursed his lips and looked away, a flash on genuine hurt skimming over his face. He always reacted badly when Akira criticized him, for any reason.

“…I don’t care. I’m not being nice to a piece of trash spreading vile rumours about my best friend,” he said quietly. Akira simply sighed and leaned back, dropping the conversation.

They ate in silence after that exchange, which did nothing to lift Goro’s sour mood. The second year of high school wasn’t easy for either of them. During the holidays – which they spent mostly together, as usual – while on a walk late one evening they encountered a man trying to force himself on a woman. Akira – being himself – jumped to the rescue at once, but in the scuffle, the man in question became lightly injured. Were it not for Goro’s quick thinking and his persistence in finding the woman and getting her to testify in Akira’s favour, he might have ended up with criminal record. Like so, the charges were dropped and the case hushed up.

Only, it really wasn’t. With the start of the new semester, the rumours of Akira’s  _ violent disposition  _ spread like wildfire, to Akira’s indifference and Goro’s constant annoyance.

It didn’t help that one of the reasons for anything even resembling a conflict between the two of them was Goro’s popularity – particularly with girls – and Akira’s own lack of love life. It was a sore subject. Goro has consistently rejected every girl – and one or two boys – who confessed to him ever since elementary school. If he had a reason to dislike them – as he did with the gossiping girl – he made it cruel and unpleasant. If not, he at least tried to be civil. Akira has, so far, been only on the receiving end of rejections whenever he mounted up the courage to confess to a girl he liked. The fact Goro hated his own popularity baffled him, even if Akira was too good to become truly envious or accuse Goro of outshining him.

Akira was too good in general. He was kind, calm, collected; he was funny and helpful, and cute when one knew which buttons to push. In Goro’s mind, the rest of the world had to be blind; to consistently choose him, with his vile temper and manipulative mind, over his kind-hearted friend.

“Goro, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be lecturing you on that. You were right, I did like her…” came a small voice, pulling him out of his thoughts. Goro looked at Akira’s cast-down expression and shook his head.

“Hey, don’t apologize. I deserved the scolding. I’ll apologize to her, okay? Will that make you happy?”

“It’s not about…”

“I know.” Goro grinned and was glad to see Akira grin weakly up as well. “It’s not about you being happy, it’s about the girl. But it  _ will  _ make you happy, won’t it?”

“…yes.”

“I’ll apologize, then.” Goro shrugged and jumped off the desk, stretching and walking to his own, right before the bell signalling the end of their break rung. “We’re going home together, yes? I need to get groceries on the way…”

The soft pitter-patter of the rain against the window panes of their classroom made the afternoon drag into eternity. As he listened to their teachers with one ear and made meticulous notes, Goro let his thoughts wander a bit again. As usual, they didn’t wander far; stopping on the boy sitting at the back of the class, a few rows away from him. If he dared a look, Goro bet he would see Akira staring out of the window, lost in a daydream; biting the end of his pencil or twirling it between his long, elegant fingers like he so often did when thinking. Sometimes, it surprised him how deep Akira’s thoughts could be; how he could discuss philosophy with the same ease as he did the weather. And yet, the raven remained so sweet and kind at all times, almost like a child. Like with him protecting the girl that gossiped about him behind his back, just because for a few days he has been crushing on her. Goro shook his head in slight annoyance. Akira has been winding up with random crushes way too often as of late.

It wasn’t even the case of it being that much of a problem in principle – or so he told himself, at least. It was just that somehow, by some miraculous coincidence, almost all the girls Akira fancied ended up being absolutely vile, confessing to Goro at some point, or both. And Goro was just about done with seeing his friend get hurt, even if Akira was very good at hiding it. He even encouraged Goro to accept one of the insistent confessions.

As if Goro even wanted a girlfriend… he didn’t need one. He didn’t need friends, either. All he needed he already had…

Which was not to say Goro Akechi didn’t have any friends apart from Akira. He did; mostly because Akira had them, and it was impossible not to like the people Akira deemed worthy of his time and attention. Goro thought, fondly, of Ryuuji and Ann, their friends from elementary school; of Yusuke, the young artist whom they met during one school trip. He still remembered how he and Akira ended up dragging Yusuke into a nearby beef bowl shop and buying him food after they found out he forgot his lunch and was going hungry all day. And finally, there was Futaba, Goro’s little half-sister, whom he had found only recently. One summer, Goro decided he wanted to find out who his estranged father was, and found another child instead. It was, again, Akira who encouraged Goro to reach out to his sister; Akira who went with him for their first meeting; Akira who helped them become close.

It was always the two of them, in the end. It all came down to him and Akira. As it always has.

_ As it was always meant to be _ .

By the end of their classes, the rain turned from little drizzle to a downpour. Goro gave his umbrella to the girl from earlier. He apologized to her, too, making sure Akira saw him do it. The umbrella part earned him a soft, grateful smile – from the girl, yes, but more importantly, from Akira – and the fact he didn’t have his own now meant they had to squeeze under the raven’s together, which was an added bonus.

“Groceries?” Akira hummed as they exited the school grounds, joining the lazy current of students walking towards the train station.

“Yes, mum’s working nights this week. I want to make dinner before she leaves for work today.”

“Want me to help cook? I could make you both coffee, too.” Akira smiled, and Goro beamed at him.

“Always. You know she loves your curry.”

“Wakaba-san’s curry, you mean.”

“Don’t tell her that,” Goro laughed, shaking his head. “You know she’d never eat it again. Speaking of curry and coffee, though, I’ll be going over to Futaba’s during the weekend, wanna come with? She said she had some game I had to play with her.”

“You sure you wouldn’t rather go alone? She’s  _ your  _ sister, after all. And I have a shift at the flower shop on Sunday.”

“Oh… Can’t you move it? You know she hoped you’d come, too.”

They chatted quietly, huddled together under the small umbrella, all the way to the station. Akira stepped away as they entered and then boarded the train. It was crowded, but they managed to find places by the wall, where people didn’t press against them quite as hard.

Lately, it became a common occurrence for Akira to go back to Goro’s apartment after school. They’d cook together, study or just laze about. He often stayed as long as he could get away with or ended up spending the night, all of which Goro loved and encouraged, even if he couldn’t help but  _ despise  _ the reason why Akira has been forced to act that way.

Ever since the assault case, Akira’s parents – who were usually a kind if somewhat aloof presence whenever he visited his friend’s house – have made it difficult for Akira. Through the thin wall separating their rooms, Goro would hear yells and venomous arguments. He didn’t hear exactly what they said, but he could imagine it, and that was enough. Goro – as well as his mother – wanted to intervene, but were both stopped by Akira. Contrary to his parents, Akira’s voice has never once been heard during these arguments. ‘ _ I don’t want you to get involved’ _ , he’d say , later on, cooped up at Goro’s place, with a sad, grateful smile on his face. ‘ _ It would only make it worse _ .’

“…your folks are still being difficult..?” Goro murmured after a while, as they neared their station. Akira looked at him in surprise, before looking away.

“…it’s getting better. I mean, they’re slowly getting over it, like everyone else. By the end of the month, they might even…” Akira’s voice trailed off as he looked somewhere to the side, frowning. Goro followed his gaze.

They were both quite tall for their age, Goro with an (almost) whole inch over Akira. It was easy to look over the heads of their fellow passengers at what pulled Akira’s attention. Just on the other side of the car, an older, shady-looking guy seemed to be pressing himself against a high-school girl. She was trying to escape, but in the crowd, there wasn’t much room. Right now, she was just standing there, face red and eyes cast down.

“Isn’t that bad..?” Goro heard Akira say, and before he knew it, his friend was already pushing his way over towards the two. Goro sighed and followed; Akira really didn’t need any more assault cases on his record, but they couldn’t just leave it be, could they..?

“Just be careful,” he murmured, but his friend ignored him, grabbing the groper’s arm and yanking him away.

“ _ Leave  _ at the next station,” he growled, silvery-grey eyes sharp and angry, and Goro felt himself bite his lip before he turned to the girl, looking up at them with teary eyes.

“Are you alright?”

“Y-yes…” she whispered in a choked-up voice, and then, her eyes flickered back to Akira. Goro’s did, too, and he felt himself curse under his breath. “T-thank you…”

Akira’s face was quite different from the aggression he showed the moment before. Now, it had the soft, awed look Goro knew only too well. It was perhaps the only look on his friend he truly, utterly hated.

_ ‘Ah, fuck _ ,’ Goro sighed, leaning against the wall as he held the other side of the arguing groper, ready to help his friend lead him off to the nearest police station.

_ ‘He likes her _ .’


	2. Chapter 2

Goro pushed the door open as quietly as possible, slipping inside on his tiptoes. He was careful not to stumble or make too much noise while shuffling his shoes off and moving to the kitchen. 

“Mind the creak,” he whispered to Akira, who was following him in a similarly stealthy fashion. The raven rolled his eyes at him, taking an unnecessarily long step over the creaking part of the floor.

“I always mind the creak and you always tell me to mind the damn creak,” he whispered back, standing close to Goro in the narrow space in front of the fridge.

“I always tell you to mind the creak and you always  _ step  _ on the damn creak, you wanted to say.” Goro grinned up at him, slowly closing the fridge. He pulled out the utensils they’ll need, one at a time, careful and quiet, while Akira shuffled over to get started on the coffee.

“Cutting the vegetables as usual?” Goro asked, pulling out two simple, black aprons and throwing one to his friend.

“Yep. I’ll take care of the spices.”

For a while afterwards, they were busy cooking. Akira made them coffee and poured two cups, and then they worked, arm in arm, on making their favourite curry. It felt quite domestic - cooking while sharing smiles and whispered conversations, relaxed and happy.

“Any plans for the afternoon?” Akira hummed quietly once they were almost done. He took his place beside Goro by the sink, taking the dishes from him one at a time and drying them carefully.

“Nothing in particular. I thought I’d start on the essay for Ushimaru.”

“Goro, we have a  _ month  _ for that thing.”

“Yes, and in a month we’ll have ten more essays to write. You should start studying regularly, Akira, it’s fun.” Goro smiled softly, nudging his friend’s side. Akira let out a quiet groan.

“You’ll make me top of the class if you keep that up.”

“Mhm, keep dreaming. I’m not giving my spot up to anyone, not even you.”

“I could beat you if I actually cared to study.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” Goro stifled a laugh; though afterwards, his eyes softened. “Why are you asking about my plans, though? Wanna stay over? It’s fine, mum’s working tonight anyway…”

“Ah… I don’t know,” Akira said, rubbing the back of his neck. Goro smiled knowingly and leaned slightly closer, so that their sides bumped together.

“…stay. I’ll do my essay tomorrow. We can play some video games. I still haven’t beaten your ass on the old console we found in that second-hand shop.”

“…thanks.” Akira smiled at him and Goro wondered how could anyone, ever, deny this man anything. If Akira had asked him to jump out of the window with that smile and those eyes, he’d do it and no questions asked.

“Hello, boys,” came a soft voice from the doorway, and they both turned towards the woman there, wearing matching smiles. Goro’s mother was a rather small, delicate woman. Both her son and Akira were already taller than her by a good head. Despite the petite frame, though, she was strong and kind, and Goro adored her with all his heart. He took after his mother, looks-wise. They had the same soft, light-brown hair unlike anyone else in their small town. The same maroon, almost crimson eyes, big and shining on their gentle, delicate faces. Goro sometimes wished he took after his mother character-wise, too; he only seemed to have inherited her bad traits, though.

“Hi, mum.” Goro smiled, pouring his mother a cup of coffee while Akira got busy filling three plates with rice and his special curry.

“Hello, Kyouko-san,” the raven said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry for being a bother again…”

“You’re never a bother, dear.” She smiled gently at the two of them and clapped her hands in delight, taking a seat by the table. “My, and you two even prepared dinner! Thank you so much.”

“It’s nothing. You’re working night again today, right?” Goro asked, sitting beside his mother with Akira on his other side, the three of them starting to eat.

“Yes, for the rest of the week.” His mother nodded. “How was school today?”

They continued the relaxing chat; Goro hardly mentioning anything apart from the general topic of his lessons. His mother didn’t need to know they got involved in yet another crime; nor did she need to know what happened at the police station…

Unbidden, Goro’s thoughts went back there. After leaving the train, he and Akira escorted the groper to the nearest police station, not being unnecessarily gentle with the bastard. It still made him feel warm when he thought of Akira then; angry and flushed, lips set tight. It wasn’t often his friend allowed anything to break his composure like this.

The policemen at the station were hardly cooperative, but Goro wasn’t interested in going into law for nothing and knew which words to say to be listened to by adults, even if the groper himself protested his innocence. The girl helped them there… Goro didn’t even notice her tagging along before, but in the end, it was good she did. And then, the groper turned against her, and Akira…

The image of his friend’s enraged face as the groper spouted some shit of the girl  _ asking for it _ , Akira’s arm swinging, and the heavy weight of it in Goro’s hand as he stopped him at the last second... Goro had hardly ever seen Akira this angry, much less violent. He felt guilty by how  _ attractive  _ he found that look. That wasn’t a normal thought to have during such a situation, was it? And especially about one’s friend. But all Goro could think about, at that time, was how much he’d love to see  _ more  _ of that side of Akira sometime, how much he’d  _ love  _ to see the raven let himself go like that, but for  _ him _ ...

“I hate to ask this of you two, but would you mind cleaning up after dinner, too?” his mother’s soft voice pulled Goro out from his thoughts, and he coughed into his napkin, trying to hide the furious blush that bloomed on his cheeks. Getting lost in thought was a bad habit of his, but this was pushing it a bit far even by his own standards. Fantasizing about his best friend while eating dinner with his mother  _ and _ said friend sitting right beside him… Goro felt waves of embarrassment spread over his chest and forced himself to focus on eating and maintaining a normal conversation. 

“…sure. Don’t worry about it.” He managed to say, looking up at his mother with a smile. The sight made him still and frown, however - she was avoiding his eyes. 

“Thank you. Also, um... Goro?” she said quietly, and Goro’s mind immediately ran through all the possible bad things he could have done to warrant his mother wearing  _ that  _ expression. He didn’t say anything weird while lost in thought just now, did he? He was just nodding along to the conversation, right?  _ Right _ ?

“…yes?”

“Your father called today.”

_ Ah _ . 

Without meaning to, Goro felt his fists clench under the table. So it wasn’t anything  _ he  _ had done. Not much of a relief, really; just hearing the phrase ‘ _ your father’ _ made Goro wish he  _ did  _ say something dumb to be scolded for. This was infinitely worse and yet, Goro fought hard to remain calm and composed. 

“I do believe we’ve established some time ago that I do not have a father,” he said in a quiet, polite voice. “I have paperwork on it and everything. Unless the person you’re referring to changed his name to ‘ _ unknown’ _ , because that’s what’s written on my birth–”

“Can you  _ please  _ not be difficult?” Goro’s mother frowned in annoyance and Goro felt a pang of guilt. He averted his eyes, his lips pressing tightly together. He heard his mother sigh.

“Very well, though, have it your way.  _ Masayoshi  _ called. He would… he would like to take you out for dinner over the weekend.”

“ _ Why _ .”

It wasn’t a question. Goro was still fighting to remain calm, but it getting progressively more difficult. He wished, suddenly, Akira wasn’t there. Here he went again, showing all of his most ugly traits in front of him, and all of that because–

“Perhaps he would like to get to know his son, after you two finally met,” Goro’s mother said, looking down at the napkin she started to play with, tearing it up into tiny pieces. Goro was, once again, pulled back to the present situation. He sighed.

“Mum, don’t lie to me. Just tell me what he wants.”

“I’m  _ telling  _ you. It’s…” She hesitated, before looking at her son defiantly. “Very  _ well _ . He said, and I quote, that since he’s been told to pay for your living and education, he might as well spend some time with you and get to know you. See? I wasn’t lying.”

“You were not telling the truth, either,” Goro snapped. He felt something warm brush against his arm - it almost made him jump. He looked to the side, at Akira’s silver eyes watching him, worried and caring. 

He swallowed thickly and looked back at his mother.

“Look… I’m sorry. It’s just…”

It was just that Goro did not have a father; not for the first fifteen years of his life. He had lived with the knowledge his mother once fell in love with some good-for-nothing man – falling in love with people they really shouldn’t was another trait they shared – who had left her after she became pregnant. He knew the story of his mother’s depression and her fight through it. About her struggle to raise her son alone, in a world that wanted nothing more than to knock her down for a crime she did not commit. But no matter how much Goro had asked, she never, ever told him what his father’s name was, or who he was. She only asked him not to look for him; but once he had turned fifteen, Goro decided he needed to know.

He did a lot of things during his search he wasn’t proud of; reading through his mother’s old letters was one of them. Goro found the name of the only man she seemed to have shared a connection with. After researching him, was shocked to find a lot more things. Like the fact that Shido Masayoshi, the man he shared his blood with, was a rising star in the political world; like the fact he was rich and powerful, while they were poor and weak before him. Like the fact that Goro had a younger sister of whose existence he had, for the first fifteen years of his life, no idea.

He had found Shido; he had confronted him, with all the solid evidence he could find. He didn’t mean to cause a scandal, he had told the man, as he glared back at him with the same venomous cruelty Goro was now disgusted to find in himself. He only wanted his mother to be relieved of the burden his existence had taken on her. He wanted Shido to support them, as he should have done for the last fifteen years. The plan, though absolutely insane, actually worked.

It was the first and biggest argument Goro had ever had with his mother, the night he returned from Tokyo to an excited Akira and hurt, angry Kyouko. She told him she didn’t want the money; that he should have left it be, that he should have listened to her. He yelled back, then; hurtful words, words he didn’t mean. Words for which he had apologized too many times now.

Still, it all happened more than a year ago now. Goro will soon be turning seventeen, and with Shido now financially supporting them, their lives improved greatly. Even his mother had to admit this. Only, over the last year, the bastard started to take  _ interest _ in the two of them – and Goro in particular. Still, this was the first time he actually asked to meet up…

“I know.” Goro’s mother sighed, pulling her son away from the memories once more. “Goro, I… I realize you won’t ever treat Masayoshi as your father. You have all the right to hate him. I do, as well. But if he  _ is  _ offering… wouldn’t it be a shame not to try?”

Goro sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Another big fault he had the misfortune to share with his mother was their tendency to forgive the ones they loved too easily and never run out of  _ second chances  _ for them.

“I promised Futaba I’ll visit her over the weekend,” he said weakly, looking away as he saw his mother’s lips tighten. Contrary to Wakaba-san, who welcomed Goro into their family almost as soon as she learned about his existence, Goro’s mother never truly accepted Futaba. She was still too much in love with Shido to be happy about the existence of a girl who was the living proof she wasn’t the only one he ever seduced.

“It’s just one afternoon, Goro.”

“ _ …fine _ ,” he sighed, pursing his lips. “ _ Early _ afternoon, then. On Saturday. If this does not fit his schedule, I’m afraid I will need to respectfully reject the offer. He’s lucky I’ll be in Tokyo anyway.”

“He already offered he can come  _ here _ ,” Goro’s mother said quietly. He didn’t answer, standing up and starting to gather the plates, carrying them to the sink. Akira followed him like a shadow, keeping close.

They worked in silence while Goro’s mother walked around, gathering her things and preparing for work. It was only after she bid them goodbye and left that Goro threw the last plate he was drying onto the shelf and turned to Akira, slamming his fist on the counter.

“Can you  _ believe _ it?!” he growled, as Akira leaned against the counter, watching him. “That  _ bastard _ … what does he even… and did you  _ hear _ how she talked about him?! He has her wrapped around his little finger all over again, and it’s all my  _ fucking  _ fault!”

Akira whistled quietly before shaking his head, patting Goro’s arm.

“Calm down… no, seriously,” he said in a gentle voice. “Look, I know this sucks, but…”

“ _ Sucks _ ?! Well, that’s an understatement of the century…”

“ _ Goro _ ,” Akira breathed, and Goro fell silent instantly, as if someone pulled a plug and drained all the anger out of him. And he was just talking about  _ being wrapped around someone’s little finger _ , too… it almost made him laugh.

“…yeah. I know. I  _ should  _ give him a chance. Maybe Shido fucking Masayoshi doesn’t have ill intentions. Maybe the sky will turn green tomorrow. Wouldn’t be as weird as  _ that _ ”

“It’s just a meeting.” Akira ventured, squeezing Goro’s arm comfortingly before letting go. “You don’t need to repeat it if you hate it.”

“I  _ know _ .”

“Okay then.” Akira nodded and turned back, wiping the counter after their washing up. Goro looked at him fondly. The raven always knew how to calm him down; he always knew what to say and do to comfort him, make him feel better. Even when facing such situations as Shido suddenly taking an interest in him and wanting to meet him. Akira was always there for him, always ready to help, the constant, comforting presence right by his side…

“…sorry you had to hear all that, by the way,” Goro said. Akira shook his head.

“After all you guys did for me over the last month? Don’t mention it.”

“Still…” Goro looked down with a smile, wrapping his arms around himself. “You keep being the hero today. In that train, too…” He closed his eyes, remembering Akira’s enraged look, biting his lip. 

“You looked  _ super  _ cool then…”

“Stop,” Akira sighed and Goro looked up in surprise, wondering in slight panic whether he said something wrong, whether he said too much. Akira was standing there, hands on the counter, a look of self-loathing on his face.

“…are you alright?”

“I wish I didn’t react like that at the police station is all,” Akira said, ruffling his hair angrily. 

“Hey, the bastard deserved a good punch. Was it not for the police officer sitting right there, I’d have let you and added my own afterwards. Don’t—”

“What did  _ she  _ think of it, though? I meet a girl and first thing I do in front of her is get violent,” Akira groaned, and Goro blinked at him, momentarily not understanding what Akira was even going on about. And then, he remembered the  _ girl _ and rolled his eyes.

“You’re overreacting.”

“I’m not! Just look at me… no wonder I don’t have a girlfriend,” Akira sighed. Goro stared. He  _ did  _ look at him; he looked at his handsome, kind, brave best friend, at his honest, beautiful eyes and worried frown; he felt his lips part as he murmured, almost without thinking…

“Why do you even  _ bother  _ with these girls…? I’m… I’m right—”

_ Ring ring ring _ .

Akira didn’t even look at him as he pulled the phone out of his pocket. Goro barely noticed him pick it up and start talking. He felt cold sweat run down his body as he thought, terrified, of what he had just  _ almost  _ said. What was he thinking? Just what the  _ fuck  _ was he thinking? Akira was his  _ friend _ . He promised himself he won’t be saying any strange, unnecessary things. That they were perfectly fine just the way they were. And yet here he was, an  _ idiot _ , and absolute  _ moron _ , running his mouth like some…

“Did you hear, Goro?” Akira’s breathless, ridiculously happy voice pulled him back to earth. Goro blinked at him in confusion before shaking his head. His friend beamed at him and all of a sudden, something felt very,  _ very  _ wrong.

“She said she got my phone number from the station… she wants to meet up, tomorrow after school! Isn’t that great? It is, right? Though, maybe she just wants to meet up with  _ you _ …” he frowned, and Goro felt just as confused as he had been before. At least Akira didn’t seem to have realized what Goro had almost said back there. Good.  _ Good _ . He could breathe a little easier now, he was safe.

“Who’s  _ she _ ?” he asked. Akira groaned, rolling his eyes at him.

“Yoshizawa-san. Oh, come on, Yoshizawa Kasumi? The girl we saved from the groper on the train? Earth to Goro?”

_ Ah _ . Goro felt himself sigh.  _ Her _ . 

“She’s really cute, isn’t she? And you left your phone number at the station, too, right? So maybe she really  _ is  _ interested in me… I mean, I’m not wrong to hope, right?”

Goro felt his expression become strained. He forced a smile and nodded encouragingly, and with how excited Akira was right now, he didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong. But inside, Goro felt his whole being twist and tighten up into a little ball of jealousy.

Maybe it’ll be okay. Maybe the girl really _was_ just interested in him. Goro felt wretched for even thinking it, but he really did hope so. If he was lucky, tomorrow he’ll hear another stuttered love confession, reject it and Yoshizawa Kasumi will disappear from their lives forever. Akira will be disappointed, but he’ll get over it, like always. And they’ll be able to go back to how they used to be - friends, not needing anyone but each other.

_ ‘And isn’t it just rich of you,’ _ a voice deep in his mind whispered, ‘ _ To hope for that and still think you deserve to call yourself his friend.’ _


	3. Chapter 3

Yoshizawa Kasumi was, to Goro’s quiet despair, a really nice girl.

She wasn’t overbearing. She had style and dressed adorably, but not overly so. She had good manners and was kind and sweet. What’s more, she was well-read and had an interest in many things he and Akira liked.

And she was just as obviously smitten with Akira as Akira was with her.

It almost felt like some out-of-body experience, watching those two together. Goro felt like he was standing next to himself, observing his reactions, trying not to show just how much this situation pained him. They met in a park by the fountain, sitting down on a little bench after exchanging formal introductions. The girl – Yoshizawa-san, Goro corrected himself in his thoughts – gifted them a whole box of delicious, homemade cookies, in gratitude for them helping her the other day.

_‘She even knows how to bake. What kind of monster is she?’_

Akira kept looking over at him as they started to talk about school and then about their favourite karaoke places. Goro tried his best to hold up the conversation, wondering if his voice was as weak as he felt.

The whole affair couldn’t have taken more than half an hour but for Goro, it felt like an eternity of torture. By the end, as Akira and Yoshizawa-san exchanged chat IDs and agreed to meet again, soon, he was prepared to do absolutely anything if it meant he and Akira could just leave, just be alone again.

Even if it meant caving in to Akira’s request Goro tags along the next time he and Yoshizawa-san will be _hanging out_ . Just how _stupid_ that proposition was seemed to fly completely over his best friend’s head, but at that point, Goro had no strength to argue.

And he hasn’t been given much reprieve even once Yoshizawa’s red hair finally disappeared from view, either. Akira managed a full ten minutes of silence after they parted ways before starting to gush. Goro tried his best to smile and found that his smiles were at least partly genuine. Even smitten with someone else than him, Akira was just so adorable when in love. He couldn’t not smile, even if his insides twisted as if they suddenly turned into a pit of snakes.

“…isn’t she just _perfect_?” Akira sighed dreamily, kicking little pebbles out of his way. Goro forced a laugh and nudged his friend’s side.

“You’re an idiot in love.”

“I am. Think she won’t mind?” Akira grinned back.

Goro rolled his eyes, maintaining a smile while wishing he could be anywhere but here - in any other reality but this one. He would need to be careful from now on, work on his _happy-for-his-friend_ face, make sure there were no cracks in his act. This was what he was - Akira’s friend. The least Goro could do was to be happy Akira was with a girl who didn’t talk behind his back, who was sweet, adorable and made him smile.

If there was any chance for them; if there was even a sliver of possibility Akira would give his heart, willingly, to someone like Goro, it would have been another matter. Like this, all he could do was try and not destroy what they already had with his damn possessiveness and jealousy. Akira’s friendship was more than he deserved anyway.

“She seems like a nice girl,” Goro said carefully. “And she likes you. I can tell.”

“You think so? That I have a chance?”

“I do.” 

“…heh.” Akira blushed, rubbing the back of his neck. Goro smiled again, looking away. 

‘ _That’s it. Be a good friend. Cheer him on and be happy he’s happy_.’

“Want me to bail out from that karaoke date you two were planning?” he said, but Akira shook his head, blushing even more.

“Come on, you can’t! I need you there, what if I make a fool of myself? I need my wingman.”

 _‘Oh, I’m a wingman now_.’

“I thought of myself more in the categories of a third wheel, actually.”

“Goro,” Akira laughed, and Goro held back a sigh. “You’ll never be a third wheel to me. You’re my friend, and…”

What else he was, Goro never found out. Akira’s phone chimed and he picked it up, reading the text message. The growing grin on his face told Goro exactly whom he was now messaging with. Akira kept silent for the rest of the way, punching into his keyboard and smiling and chuckling to himself and Goro wished he was enough of a nice person not to feel raising resentment bloom in his chest.

* * *

The rest of the week was a nightmare.

Goro honestly had no idea how he lived through it. He didn’t want to be petty, he really didn’t, but it felt as if he lost so much in barely two days.

Akira was _infatuated_ with that Yoshizawa girl - or Kasumi-chan, as she insisted they call her. Goro tried his best to beat down the seething, burning resentment he felt at every mention of her, but it was _hard_ . She and Akira texted constantly and whenever the raven was not busy texting or talking to her on the phone, he wouldn’t shut up about her. Not that Goro _tried_ to shut him up. Seeing his friend so happy made _him_ happy, too; only it was a raw, painful kind of happiness. It made him smile while inside, he felt like sobbing every time Akira mentioned her name.

Then, there was his mother. They didn’t talk about Shido’s call after that initial conversation. They hardly talked at all - with Goro busy with school and with Akira, and his mother working nights - but what time they did spend together was strained and quiet. Goro hated it; hated _himself_ for it. He couldn’t blame his mother for wanting to rekindle some kind of relationship with Shido through him. He knew she still loved the man, unfortunately. He knew it was his own damn fault; his mother was out of the bastard’s web of lies for years before he went and pulled Shido back into their lives.

Goro wished, sometimes, he could time travel and shake the idea to find his father out of his younger self’s mind.

Still, days passed, and the prospect of meeting with his good-for-nothing father made Goro sick to his stomach even more than Akira’s love life did. When on Thursday his mother told him of the time and place Shido proposed, Goro had to actually force himself not to snap at her in response. He didn’t, and it was a little victory; he had promised himself long, long ago that he’d always be good to his mother.

She went to all the trouble of bringing up someone like him; the least she deserved was to be treated with love and respect.

To the last moment, Goro hoped Akira would go with him.

It was stupid, he knew. He didn’t even propose that, and was ready to rebuff any offer from Akira to keep him company - he didn’t want to pull his best friend into Shido’s web of manipulation. But the offer never came, and though that meant he didn’t need to reject it, somehow it also felt bad. Maybe if Akira at least offered to go with him, he wouldn’t have felt so awfully, cripplingly _alone_ as he walked into the place he was supposed to meet his father in.

The restaurant was small and almost empty this early in the afternoon. Goro wondered why Shido asked him to come here in the first place. He could just as well ask him to his home or office, but no.

Despite himself – and hating himself for it – Goro spent a lot more time than he should have choosing his clothes and combing his hair into a ponytail, to get them to look a little less all over the place. What was the point, he kept asking himself as a waiter escorted him to a yet-empty table, set for two. Was he trying to impress Shido? To prove a point to him? Goro wished he could just not care. Akira wouldn’t care. He’d show up with his shirt crumpled and his hair the usual mess, and grin and laugh and make the other person adore him with his personality alone.

Well, it wasn’t like Goro had _that_ going for him. The most he could get with his personality would be to get people to hate him, as he damn well deserved. Perhaps looks really were his only weapon here.

“Good morning, Goro.”

The door opened again and the waiter escorted in a man Goro has come to hate even before learning how to walk. Goro stood up, looking at his father coldly, barely nodding in greeting. Shido didn’t change much over the years, he noted.

“Shido-san.”

They both sat down, and for a while, Shido has been studiously ignoring him, reading through the menu. He set it down slowly and raised his eyes; the corners of his lips twitching upwards when he noticed Goro was watching him.

“I have heard this restaurant would be a good choice for early lunch in a private, quiet place.” he hummed, before waving over the waiter, ordering for them both. Goro wore a matching sneer when he halted the waiter and changed the order out of pettiness alone, earning an amused look from Shido. Wonderful. Five minutes in, and he already wanted to throw up.

“How have you been, Goro?”

“I would like to politely request you refrain from addressing me by my first name, Shido-san,” Goro said quietly, joining his hands on his lap. “Otherwise, I have been well.”

“Of course. I should have asked. Consider it a force of habit.” Shido smiled a perfectly fake, pleasant smile, as if he wasn’t doing all of that on purpose. Goro was sure he was - he just didn’t understand what was the point. 

“How is school? You will be taking your college entrance exams next year. I understand you’re top of your class _and_ year, yes? Do you have any university you have set your mind on?”

“Why would _you_ be interested?”

“Is it strange to take an interest in my _son_?”

The look Shido threw him was slick and self-assured; mocking him, daring him to say something. Goro knew perfectly well that, having forced the man to give his mother financial help for his upbringing, he could not deny being his son to his face. And oh, how much he’d love it if he could.

Shido represented everything Goro hated in himself. How manipulative he was, how easily he looked down on people; how little he cared for those that were not his mother, Akira, Futaba or their friends. What a _monster_ he was. Sitting there, face to face with the man responsible for his existence, Goro was forced to face that. It was like looking into a mirror that showed everything ugly about him and magnified it, made it impossible to ignore. Goro couldn’t help but avert his eyes.

“…you are certainly unwelcome to.”

“How cold.” Shido laughed, looking at the waiter and nodding as the man left their orders on the table and vanished once more. Goro barely looked at the food. It wasn’t like he could think of eating it. He felt so sick it would be hard to swallow a single bite.

For a good while, they were silent; Goro picking at his food while Shido ate his own meal elegantly, glancing at his son with the air of thinly-veiled amusement. The silence grew tense and uncomfortable the longer it went on, but Goro wasn’t about to start a conversation. He was going to suffer through this meeting and then never agree for another one again.

“So, concerning your university,” Shido said finally, as if they never stopped talking. Goro looked up at him with cold disinterest. “With your skills and grades, I would, of course, advise you to attend Keio. I did, too.”

“I have not yet decided on where to attend,” Goro said. 

_‘Since Akira hasn’t decided yet, and I’m going wherever he is…’_

“I see. That is rather uncharacteristically idiotic.” Shido sneered. “Have you at least decided on which career path to choose?”

“I have been thinking of law,” Goro murmured after a moment’s hesitation. It was the truth - law was something he’s been thinking of for a while now, whether in the traditional sense of the word or in a more… _practical_ one. If Goro had to tell what he really liked, what he truly wanted to do… Becoming a detective was something of a guilty dream of his. Especially since, if he went down that particular path, Akira would probably tag along with him. Goro knew he was thinking of something in the general area of psychology and sociology, and most universities that offered a degree in law and were close to a police academy offered courses in these areas, as well.

“That, at least, is a respectable choice. Perhaps, with the right—”

“With all due respect, Shido-san,” Goro said, with as little respect as was humanly possible. “I do not seek nor care for your opinion on the matter. Now, if you’ll excuse me…” Goro stood up, deciding he was done talking with the man for the day. He certainly didn’t want to talk with him while his thoughts kept returning, inevitably, to Akira, no matter how hard he tried not to…

“Of course. I heard you are in a hurry to meet with your sister.” Shido’s voice was soft and polite, but as Goro looked back at him, momentarily taken by surprise, his smile looked like that of a cat that has just caught a mouse. “Perhaps I should visit her as well. After all, one does long to spend time with one’s children, especially since they get along so well.”

Slowly, Goro turned around to face the man; still seated behind the table, still smiling up at him. It took him a while to find his words.

“Futaba is about the only good thing that came from _you_ ,” he said quietly, fists clenched. “ _Stay away from her_.”

Goro turned back and stormed out from the restaurant; behind him, Shido was still smiling a knowing smile that somehow told the boy this was not the end to this conversation.

**Author's Note:**

> Next update on: April 20th
> 
> If you like my stories and would like updates on my writing process/life/current obsessions, you can find me on twitter [@mikan_writings](https://twitter.com/mikan_writings)!


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